Granted, Tatum O'Neill's wearing enough bronzer on the posters of International Velve t to ensure poor old Arizona Pie, her gallant steed, never attains credible lift-off, while Robert Redford looks suspiciously smooth in Downhill Racer . But these are Hollywood versions of sports folk. They're contractually obliged to be ludicrous.
READ: London 2012 Olympics fashion latest
But it seems reality has caught up. It's not just the athletes' nail art. From Laura Trott's mascara to Victoria Pendleton's Middletonian hair, there's serious product on display in the field. There would be. Many female athletes are the faces of big beauty brands: Kerri-Anne Payne's with Max Factor; Pendleton's hair adorns Pantene ads; Jessica Ennis is at Olay; Tonia Couch, the diver, represents Urban Decay; Jenna Randall provides the legs for Braun's silk epilator; Hannah England does the business for Ambre Solaire; volleyball players Denise Johns's and Lucy Boulton's make-up is provided by Clinique… and although no one has inked a contract with those kooky Russian synchronised swimmers Natalia Ishchenko and Svetlana Romashina, it's only a matter of time before one of the more adventurous lines seize their wondrous potential for sporting rainbow make-up.
Mac Pro Longwear Lipcreme, £16, maccosmetics.co.uk; Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Shadow, £18, bobbibrown.co.uk; YSL Waterproof Luxurious Mascara For a False Lash Effect £23, yslbeauty.co.uk
It's terrific watching beauty companies embrace the diverse looks and strength of these women rather than the usual pampered celeb-alikes and it will be interesting to see the results of the inevitable (brand-funded) research into how much their performances were enhanced from the knowledge that they looked good. Meantime, here are the fashion desk's favourite waterproof, sweatproof, tear-proof products:
1 Organic Pharmacy Organic Glamour Liquid Shimmer Highlighter, £19.95 , theorganicpharmacy.com , as worn by La Pendleton.
2 Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Shadow, £18, bobbibrown.co.uk. If you really must wear full slap in the water, this has a lovely subtle gleam.
3 Maybelline New York Super Stay 24 hour Foundation, £9.99. Although it's waterproof, do your skin a favour - don't wear it on the beach, but bear it in mind when it's raining.
4 Mac Pro Longwear Lipcreme, £16, maccosmetics.co.uk. Great for when you're out drinking.
5 YSL Waterproof Luxurious Mascara For a False Lash Effect £23, yslbeauty.co.uk - all you really need.
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GABBY AND CLARE ARE OUR OLYMPIC WINNERS
Confession time: I had a Mitt Romney moment at the start of this glorious fortnight. Nothing to do with Team GB, the venues, the organisation, or the Opening Ceremony (in Danny we trusted). It was about the Beeb presenters' clothes. Specifically, the sad mixture of tacky, tarty and irritating hair-flickiness that is the average broadcaster's uniform. What would the glossy posse from NBC make of us?
Well, I think we can hold our heads up high in this as in all aspects of the Games. Gabby Logan? Unfailingly elegant - without going over the top - in a succession of British designers, including Roksanda Ilincic and J W Anderson, with the odd American (Phillip Lim) thrown in for diplomacy reasons. And, no, I don't care whether she paid for them or the licence-fee payer did. It was money well spent. As for Clare Balding - another perfect score and a new verb, to balding, meaning to look utterly at ease in your skin while possessing a mellifluous voice.
Read more of Lisa Armstrong's columns
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